The Big D

by K

Even though this little blog of ours has only been live a few days, I've been thinking long and hard about just how candid I'm looking to be here. Eventually, I realized that as ridiculous as it may sound, I'm looking to this blog as a bit of a life changer for myself. Somewhere to flat out get it all out. And if I hold back, then what's the point? Sometimes it's going to be funny, and sometimes it's going to be the farthest thing from it. So I suppose that's a bit of a warning to the below, which isn't a funny story about my daily outfit choices at age 14 or a story about a hilarious encounter with a fire alarm. But it's real, and I think a good indication that you really never know what to expect in life. And when you think you know, you're probably wrong.

I don’t know if it’s the decent one day crappy the next weather, the fact that I am inevitably hormonal this time of month, or plain and simple timing, but yesterday, while drying my hands on the nasty gas station-esque hand towel roll in the office bathroom – it finally hit me – My parents are getting a divorce.

This situation is nothing new – it’s been going on for a solid two years now. But, instead of giving myself a second to stop and think about how I really feel about it all, I’ve thrown myself into trying to keep my pride-and-joy 14 year old sister’s feelings and home life as positive as possible, and in general tried to make a joke of the entire situation. I mean, really, who’s parents get divorced when they’re my age? Nobody’s. Here I am in a long term relationship, hoping and praying that my own happily ever after wedding will come along in the near future… and the closest marriage to me is falling apart in front of my eyes.

As I mentioned before, I’ve done a fairly good job of shrugging the big D word off, laughing when I talk to friends about it and making it seem like I don’t have a care in the world as long as my sister is feeling ok with it all. And then this week, I’m all of a sudden thinking about my dad living in an apartment by himself somewhere, my siblings and I only seeing ONE parent at holiday get togethers, trying to keep track of how much time I’ve spent with one parent so I’m not neglecting my relationship with the other. I feel like an awkward teenager, going through some transitional period in my life where I’m sure the entire world is pointing and laughing at me. Instead, (although still awkward) I’m a 28 year old with a mortgage and a full time job, trying to keep faith in my own relationship and the happy “normal” future we dream about together.

Thankfully, I have amazing friends like L to remind me that I while I love them, I am NOT my parents. And let’s not forget our snazzy new blog where I can document all the moments where I’m not quite sure I can handle it all. Because really, that’s what this navigating adulthood thing is all about, right? Talking, yelling, running, or in my case – blogging - it all out in a desperate attempt to get it all to make some sense… and quickly realizing that it never has made sense, and never will, but in the end – it will be okay.